The Taming of the Shrew

Just call me Shakespeare... because that seems to be all of been reading recently. Here's a list of the Shakespearean plays I've completed:

Shakesbear gets me.

• Romeo and Juliet
• Hamlet
• Macbeth
• Twelfth Night (or What You Will)
• A Midsummer Night's Dream
• Much Ado about Nothing
• Othello
• The Tempest
• King Lear
• The Merchant of Venice
• Julius Caesar
• Richard III
• The Winter's Tale
• Measure for Measure
• All's Well that Ends Well
• The Taming of the Shrew

And that doesn't even mention any of the sonnets. "I wasted time, and now doth time waste me." I wasted time all right! Reading when I should've been studying biology! I've done blogs thus far on a few (click to view them), but if you'd like me to do a synopsis of others, don't be afraid to comment! 

Such a cute little shrew...

Most recently I've finished The Taming of the Shrew, and shrewish she was! The book is basically the definition of a volatile sibling rivalry. Bianca is a lovely girl - classic beauty, domesticated, known for her quiet and gentle mannerisms. Katherine is the exact opposite. She's known through Italy for being unbearable. Her actions are so out of hand, for the time period, that even her insanely wealth Mr. Moneybags daddy can't marry her off; no one will take her! (Would you wanna get stuck with a beautiful, rich hag for the rest of your life!? Some things are simply deal breakers.) Her dad won't give Bianca away to any of her slightly-less-wealthy-than-him-and-equally-old suitors until Katherine gets married.

Seriously, Petruccio? Seriously?

Enter Lucentio. Lucentio sees Bianca, falls in love, and applies for the position of her tutor with the introduction of one of her suitors (he'd promised the suitor to tell Bianca of the suitor's love for her, but in fact intended to begin vying for her hand under the guise of a tutor). Meanwhile, a man named Petruccio comes to town and hears that Katherine is available, rich and that her dad is looking for someone take her. He basically wants to get rid of her... which is kind of terrible. When he hears this, he's like "I can tame her." TAME her!? Like she's a pet!? Exccuuusse me!? Petruccio goes and "woos" Katherine. Meaning that he's like "Hey. You? Me? We're gettin' hitched." Real killer lines there, bud. At least buy her dinner first! Isn't there a three-date minimum on proposals?

Why did they get married?

Petruccio shows up to their wedding looking totally ratchet. Like... #notacceptable. Katherine is irate, and it seems like their marriage is off to a great start (similar to Kim Kardashian's... 72 days will be longer than Kathruccio will last.)  The beginning of their life as a married couple goes roughly, to say the least, and continues to be awful, with Petruccio seeming to be nearly abusive, up until Katherine finds out that if she does as Petruccio says, he will treat her to what she wants. If she relinquishes her power, he will give her the "desires of her heart.

Katherine and Petruccio go back to her family's town to visit, Lucentio and Biance get married (after a whole lot of not-very-important-to-te-plot drama), and Katherine proves herself to be submissive to her husband in front of the whole town... big turn around for the previous shrew! The play ends with a long monologue from Katherine addressing both her sister and one of her previous suitor's wife, telling them that they should submit to their husbands. Literally saying to place their hands under his feet, and basically wait for him to smash them. Then they sing a lovely song together and all is well.

Elizabeth Taylor in The Taming of the Shrew

Aside from the insanely misogynistic tones of this play... well... I can't even properly describe everything that is wrong with all of the plot line and urges that each of the character's have. Despite it's slight twistedness, Shakespeare is still a genius, and this has been acknowledged through several different renditions of the play. The lovely Elizabeth Taylor plays Katherine in a 1967 version of The Taming of the Shrew, alongside Richard Burton. There have also been several interpretations, including Kiss Me Kate (1953, Dorothy Kingsley), 10 Things I Hate About You (1999, Julia Styles and Heath Ledger), and Shakespeare Re-told's The Taming of the Shrew (2005) featuring Shirley Henderson (think Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter) and Simon Chandler. Each of the movies is different, unique, and amazing in it's own way, so I'd suggest checking out all of them!

Hope you enjoy it, and I will be back shortly!

Twelfth Night

We're going classic again... with Shakespeare's Twelfth Night (alternatively known as What you Will... like one of those books where you pick the plot line and ending? Nope, this is not one of those.), which has been turned and twisted into countless movie renditions, but we'll get to those later. What happens when you're shipwrecked in some place, your entire family may or may not be dead, and all of your possessions are waterlogged and thus taken away to be stored? According to Viola, obviously the most logical  solution is to dress up like your drowned and dead brother. (Everyone, say hello to Viola the transvestite.) Because that's the only viable option.... right....? Well, it is if this is a Shakespearean comedy!

Still a better love story than Twilight.

Viola, the protagonist, dresses up like a boy, names herself Cesario, and goes wand'ring about the fair kingdom of Illyria. Unsurprisingly, she ends up in love... with a man... while she's dressed as a man. That man, the Duke of Orsino, hires her/him has his lackey and she/he goes off to woo and bend to the whims of love one Olivia, the most wanted woman in Illyria. Olivia, through careful consideration, falls in love all right... but to CESARIO/VIOLA!!! WHAT!? That's not the way that was supposed to turn out! Okay, now consider that this is compounded by the fact that, in Shakespeare's time, a young boy would've played the role of Viola... so it's a boy, as a woman, as a man, in love with a man, who loves another woman, who loves the man that's a woman that's a boy... Good Lord! Did I even get that right?

This love triangle confusion...

So we've got ourselves this twisted little love triangle, which is simply aggravated by the fact that no one knows that Cesario's actually a woman. Meanwhile, Cesario's doing the Duke's bidding and runs into this dude named Antonio... who has been hanging out with Sebastian  Viola's supposedly dead brother... who looks exactly like the male form of Viola.. geez, Shakespeare had some internal conflict going on when he wrote this thing! They (Cesario and Antonio) get into a fight and Antonio's all like "What? Sebastian, dude, we're bros!" and Cesario is all like "Sebastian!? But he's dead? What?" Except for that Shakespeare made that longer and more poetic. 

There's plot twist upon plot twist and at the end everyone finds out the Cesario is Viola, Sebastian ain't dead, and the Duke gives up his love for Olivia. Olivia's like "oh... there's a guy that looks exactly like Cesario, so he must BE exactly like him. Eh, I'll marry him even though I've only known him for TWO FREAKING MINUTES!" (Lesson #1: Don't marry strangers.) Then the Duke of Orsino is like "Well, if Cesario and I are friends, obviously Viola (female form) and I can't be friends... she's a girl. Ew, cooties." And so he decides to marry her... (Lesson #2: Don't settle for the female form of your male counterpart... *Cue music* Listen to your heaaarrttt *Stop*)

Helena Bonham Carter in Twelfth Night

Because this irritated me, I'm going to talk about it... you can skip this paragraph if you don't want to read a rant about transvestite-ism not having to be permanent, if you don't want it to be permanent. Orsino (Duke) then decides that while Viola is dressed like Cesario, she's going to be called by Cesario, and when she gets back her clothes, she will be his mistress... one small issue. Her clothes are in ITALY. A bajillion miles away... by boat. Do you think she wants to get on another boat? (Lesson #3: Don't piss off your future wife.) Also, why the heck can't Olivia just be like "You can borrow mine. Yay, twinsies!" And is there not a seamstress in the whole freaking kingdom of Illyria!? Your economy... it's failing. (In later news Illyria is actually Greece... lols, jk, it's Albania.)

Amanda Bynes in She's the Man

Rant done. So, the play has been done in several movies, both interpretations of the play and the play itself. One of the most commonly watched versions of the play, released in 1996, stars Helena Bonham Carter, as Olivia, with Imogen Stubbs in the role of Viola/Cesario. A commonly known adaptation of the play, She's the Man, stars Amanda Bynes in the role of Viola and Channing Tatum as Duke. This spin-off shows Viola going to an all-boys school, Illyria, to play soccer while her brother goes off to follow his dreams of stardom. Though the movie may stretch the lines in the interpretation, it is a hilariously modern and comical approach to the whole idea.

Overall, the book gets a 8 for hilarity and a 6 for absurdity. Shakespeare really stretched the boundaries on what was socially acceptable at the time with this play, and I applaud him for that. Rebel on, William!

Hamlet

William Shakespeare

Ghost: "Yo, Hamlet, dawg, that man dat married yo ma? Yeah, ya know, bro. Ya uncle? Yeah, dude. He killed me. He put dat poison stuff in my ear."

Hamlet: "Sup, brah? Yeah, dude. I always thought him marrying my ma was wacked-up, chea. I must shoot him up. Foshizzle."

Therein the story of Hamlet is told... except in like... weird Shakespearean speech, not weirder ghetto slang. Sorry, guys... I'm bad at that. So, William Shakespeare, infamous playwright, author, poet, actor, architect, and basically all around literary badass, wrote Hamlet. You've probably heard of this if you're over the age of 10 and have read any book... ever. Even children know a version of it! Disney's The Lion King was a spin off of the play (think about it... Uncle Scar kills epic dad Mufasa in a awful way, son Simba leaves, takes over throne with the help of two friends Pumba & Timon... yeah...). It's literally one of the most legendary plays in the English language, so, read it! If you don't get "to be or not to be" references (there was one on How I Met Your Mother) then that's sad.

Educate yoself, dawg... I'm stopping. I swear. No more ghetto.

So Hamlet and his little family live in an older version of Denmark. There's a whole dealio with this conqueror dude named Fortinbras whose going around taking over countries and doing crazy stuff. Meanwhile, Hamlet's dad has been killed by god knows whom and his uncle (probably Hamlet's dad's twin), seemingly innocent of all wrongdoing, has taken over the throne and married Hamlet's mom... hello, twincest. Creepy, right?

It gets better... there's been a ghost lurking around the castle, and Hamlet checks it out only to find out that it is purportedly the ghost of his dead father who is seeking a hero to revenge his murder... the murderer? His own BROTHER. In the wise and all-knowing words of Lil Wayne -  "what a f***ed up family picture."  (6 Foot 7 Foot) Pardon my French, but seriously? You killed your own brother, usurped his throne, and took his wife? Not cool, bro, not cool. Bros before hoes... bro code... Claudius forgot it all and committed the sin that would lead to his death.

Lil Wayne speaking to a skull... much like Hamlet

In a twist of fate, Hamlet decides to avenge his father's death and goes mad with the obsession with revenge, delivering the famed "To be or not to be" speech where he talks to a skull and considers suicide... Dat  s**t cray. He ends up killing Polonius, some ridiculous character that is his betrothed, Ophelia's, father. Ophelia goes crazy, kills herself or drowns in the river... it's not really clear what happened to her. Suicide or not, she's dead and gone. Laertes, Ophelia's bro, comes back and wants Hamlet's head. 

I'll spare you the gory details of all the action, but the book essentially ends with the castle flowing rivers of blood... for real. Hamlet's dead, Claudius is dead, Laertes, Polonius and Ophelia are dead, both of Hamlet's parents are dead, and Hamlet essentially sent two of his friends unto death, though it's unsure whether or not they actually died.... everyone that was important in the government of Denmark died. Tragedy this is... comical in it's unnecessary brutality? You begin to laugh a bit after reading the play three times, as I have.

Laurence Olivier as Hamlet

Hamlet has been turned into countless movies, screened by numerous famous actors, and been performed in more playhouses than you can imagine. One ofHamlet done through Laurence Olivier, married for a time to Vivien Leigh (see A Streetcar Named Desire), one of the greatest actors of the twentieth century, in my humble opinion. His portrayal of Hamlet's death scene is worth to behold... the way he leaps to stab that guy? Epic. Another fantastic version is done by Mel Gibson. The scene between Hamlet and Gertrude, his mom, played by Glenn Close, is extremely interesting and fraught with family tension.

I'm giving the play a 9 on the ADDICTING SCALE. What more could you ask for? It's got more blood and gore than an Roman era action film, more drama and intrigue than Gossip Girl, and more incestuous sex than a soap opera. Subscribe, comment and all! Be back later with The Elite!